


Broken

by AngelofDarkness1605



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-01
Updated: 2016-12-01
Packaged: 2018-09-03 15:36:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8719273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelofDarkness1605/pseuds/AngelofDarkness1605
Summary: Rumplestiltskin goes to see Belle after she has sent their child away. Together, they begin to realize that perhaps not everything is lost yet.





	

Rumplestiltskin doesn't know how long he has been there, only that it wasn't dark when he collapsed on the floor of the bedroom which Belle and he once used to share. After smashing his shop to pieces, he fled to the place which was the heart of the happiness his wife and he once shared. Still, once there the ache of missing her and their child became only more unbearable.

He has lost everything, again, but at least he doesn't fear his spouse like Belle does. Only now that he isn't going blindly on well-hidden panic any longer, he recalls just how afraid she seemed when he confronted her in the elevator of the library this morning… of _him_.

No matter how upset he is with her for sending their child away, entrusting him with the _fairies_ as if it isn't bad enough yet, he is starting to see that he crossed a line. Yet worse, he's starting to see that this wasn't the only time recently that he went too far.

A whole new wave of tears threatens to fall, but he holds them back this time. His entire life has been ruined once again, but there's one thing he still might fix. Even if it's the last thing he'll ever do, at least he wants to convince Belle that she doesn't have to fear him, that he'll never, ever harm her… that she'll never have to see him again, if she so wishes.

Because of the magical bracelet around her wrist - another low point in their relationship, he only now realizes - he's at the front door of her apartment above the library only a moment later. He knocks, making certain to do so as gently as possible. The last things he wants right now is to spook her again.

There's no reaction. This doesn't change when he knocks again, and again, keeping the sound as undemanding as he can. Fiddling with his wedding ring, he knows that she's in there, and that she can hear him.

"It's me, Belle. Can we talk? I wish to… well, to talk to you. I know that there's no way that I can make right what I have done to you, but… I'll leave if you want me to, but I'd really like to try to reassure you."

There is still no reply, but after a minute or so Belle opens the door. He physically and mentally falters when he takes in the sight of her, looking yet more distraught and pained than he anticipated. Everything he wanted to say lost in his mind, his knees buckle when the full extent of her grief and distrust is revealed to him.

Tears welling in his eyes again, he sinks to his knees, bowing his head in complete shame and horror. She makes him feel yet more clearly that she for all intents and purpose also lost her child and spouse today.

"I'm so sorry," he brings out, his entire body heaving when he once more can't hold back his sobs of misery and despair.

His apology sounds weak and pathetic to his own ears, and he fully expects her to slam the door in his face. But instead of doing so, she approaches him, which he only becomes aware of when she is right in front of him.

Rumplestiltskin doesn't quite know how it happens, but a moment later she has wrapped her arms around his head and he has buried his face against the fabric of her dressing gown. He rests his face against her belly, right where their child was until half a day ago, and he only sobs harder at the reminder of what has been taken from them.

She backs out of his embrace after an undefined amount of time has passed. No matter how much he wants to stay with her right there, he of course lets go of her. By the time he looks up again, wiping the tears from his face in vain, he finds that she has left the door open in unspoken invitation.

He tentatively enters her current home, its interior mostly unfamiliar to him because he has rarely been here. He can't help but notice that the place is dusty and rather messy; she clearly had obviously other things on her mind than the cleanliness of her own home.

Feeling yet worse because of his responsibility in this, he cleans and tidies the house with a thoughtless gesture of his hand while he continues his search for her.

"Belle?" he asks, right before he hears a sniffling sound coming from across the hallway.

Following the sound, he finds her lying in her bed, surrounded by a thermos and several boxes of tissues, most of them empty. He tentatively sits down on the edge of the bed, awaiting her reaction.

When doing so, his attention falls on the golden bracelet she is still wearing, the one he put there very much against her will. Seeing her like this, he is nauseous with the realization that he played a major part in making her feel like this, no matter how justified his actions seemed at the time.

Reaching questioningly for her arm, he removes the bracelet with a whisper of purple magic, banishing it out of this world.

"Everything I did was to protect our son," he says softly, his head bowed.

It's a very poor excuse, he knows that now, but it might remind her how important this is to him, how desperate he was not to lose another child. It's the only explanation he has for his behavior.

"I know. But the end doesn't justify the means, Rumple. Intent is meaningless; you've said so yourself."

"I suppose we have both been guilty of that."

He doesn't want to stir up a new argument, he really doesn't, but he has to remind her that she too has done horrible things out of love.

"I almost didn't do it, you know. I almost didn't ask Blue to take our child somewhere safe," she says, her voice trembling when she lowers her head. "I told myself that you wouldn't actually intervene in our son's life with the Shears, but I couldn't take that risk, not with our son's future and happiness at stake."

"It's our lives in a nutshell, isn't it?" he notes, smiling humorlessly as he recalls how often he used that argument himself.

"I'm so tired, Rumple. I tell myself that I have to stay away from you, but… it's not just that I can't - I don't _want_ to stay away from you, even now."

"It would hurt a lot less if I didn't love you so much," he replies forlornly, never having felt more strongly that True Love is as much a blessing as it is a curse for them. "I know… I _know_ I made very poor choices, especially in the last few days. But please, Belle, know that you don't have anything to fear from me."

"I'm not afraid of you. I've never been, not truly. There _is_ good in you, and more than you think. If only you could see so yourself."

There's such conviction in her eyes, just like there was this morning. Back then, it only made him feel more desperate, but right now it gives him hope he didn't expect to ever feel again.

"There's nothing I'd rather do than have the chance to be a father to our son. I'd do… I'd do _anything_ for that."

"I can't promise you that, but... how about staying here for a little while? With me?"

"I'd love that."

He shifts closer towards her, and so does she, the two of them meeting in the middle of the bed. She rests her head on his shoulder and he lightly wraps his arm around her, wondering how they can be so very far away and yet so close.

"How are you doing physically?" he asks, belatedly realizing that there must have been more downsides than the obvious one for her when she gave birth this morning.

"I've been better," she says, smiling a little. "It's all been surreal and… well, it _hurt._ It still does. But the nuns have been good to me and Dr. Whale has assured me that everything is in order. Other than that… well, I'd love to have someone to cuddle with and look after me a bit."

He nods breathlessly, pulling her slightly tighter against him and closing his eyes for a moment when she snuggles into him. There are no words to describe how much he missed this, her nearness and warmth and acceptance, no matter how temporary it might be.

"It seems that I can barely go on without you, whether I like it or not," she whispers. "Even now… I can't help but think that I want to get back with you."

"It's the same for me… although I've always known that there's no point in living without you and our son."

"Does the Evil Queen know about that?" she asks with a sudden sharpness in her voice.

"No. It doesn't matter anymore," he lowers his head in shame and disgust alike when he thinks back on Regina's dark half, wincing as he recalls what the Evil Queen did to Belle and their child. "It's over between her and me. She… well, I know how improbable this sound, but I want to tell you… it wasn't me, Belle. The one who sped up your pregnancy. It was the Evil Queen. She stole my magic and dosed your tea."

"I… that does make sense to me. I figured that if you had wanted to use the magic on me, you would have done so when you were in the library this morning. Actually… I wanted to come to talk to you about that. After having a cup of calming tea at Granny's. To tell you that I appreciated that you didn't go through with what you came to do. It's probably foolish of me, but… Well, it gave me hope. For you... for _us_."

He bows his head in defeat when it's revealed to him what else his already very unfortunate schemes with the Evil Queen have lead to. Neither Belle nor he himself got the chance to properly experience her pregnancy and their child is currently _gone._

Once again, it's all his own fault.

"Did you sleep with her?" she asks in a small voice.

"I didn't," he replies, shuddering when he thinks back of Regina's dark half and the thoroughly bitter taste she left in his mouth.

"When I told you that I didn't care that you were with her… well, that wasn't entirely true."

"I… I know I can never make this right, Belle. I _know_. But if there's anything you want me to do, anything at all, either towards the Evil Queen or towards myself… I'll do it. I promise you that."

"That won't get us anywhere. If you hurt the Evil Queen, or yourself for that matter, it won't bring back our child or repair the trust between us. It'll only evoke more anger and pain. You're a self-fulfilling prophecy, don't you see? It happens over and over again, but you keep making the same mistakes without seeming to expect for the result to change."

She's as fierce as he's ever seen him when addressing him. But instead of telling him that she can't overcome this hurdle in their relationship, her expression softens tightly as she reaches for something underneath her nightgown. It turns out that she's wearing her wedding ring at a thin golden chain around her neck rather than having hidden the symbol of their marriage somewhere far away.

"And yet… I don't think I can be without this. Without _you_. I can't and I won't pretend that all of this hasn't deeply shaken me, but…"

He nods in wholehearted agreement, knowing that she did things in the past few days which he won't forget either. Still, sitting here with her like this, Rumplestiltskin is increasingly certain that he _can_ forgive them.

"I'm not sure if I can accept the darkness in you, but I have accepted now that it's part of the man I'll always love. We can't pretend like nothing has happened, we _shouldn't_ , but… maybe we can try again? To be together, I mean? To be honest and open?"

Rumplestiltskin nods almost desperately in response, beyond grateful that she's giving him another chance… and yet more relieved that she seems more accepting of what he has been trying to tell her, that he can't be the perfect man he feared she wanted him to be.

"Since I'm in no shape to go to Granny's, what about having hamburgers here tonight? Just the two of us?"

"That would be lovely, Belle. I'd like that very much."

"As for now… let's just stay like this for a while?"

He nods eagerly, leaning his head against hers. Her once so very familiar curls tickling his face once more, he gratefully closes his eyes and breathes in deeply.

"Our son's name is Gideon," she whispers.

Too overcome to speak now that she has shared this with him, he nods and squeezes her arm lightly in understanding.

"Please understand, Rumple, he isn't _gone_. He's just… he's safe. But it doesn't have to take long until Gideon can be safe with us, too."

"We can go and find him," he whispers in delighted disbelief. "When we're… better, we can go find him."

"We can, and we will," Belle replies softly, curling up against his chest like she once did every day.

Although he is barely able to comprehend what is happening, Rumplestiltskin is beginning to think that it might be possible after all to rebuild their relationship from the ashes of the life they once had together.

He can't deny that his love for her has not always prevented him from blindly stepping into the darkness. But his love for Belle _and_ their child very well might be enough for him to finally start learning from his past mistakes.


End file.
